I hate, hate, HATE misinformation.
I’ve found an overall trend:
The more therapist TikToks someone has seen, the less they actually know about mental health issues.
It seems counterintuitive! If someone consumes a lot of self-help (self-actualization, empowerment, self-improvement) content, shouldn’t they know more about these issues? It depends on the source.
TherapyTok isn’t Legit
There are two factors that make the self-improvement content on TikTok sus:
What kind of people are more likely to post
What social media algorithms love
Why do people post on social media? What do people get out of growing a following?
Some people care about creating educational content and combating misinfo/disinfo. (Misinformation is when you don’t know it’s false, disinformation is when you know it’s false and you don’t care). Unfortunately, I feel like this is a small slice of creators.
Many creators post to feel good about themselves. Attention, affirmation, feeling influential - these all are good things! When we hurt people in order to get them, that’s bad.
TherapyTok is no different. People post there for these emotional benefits, not only to educate others.
How does social media reward misinfo/disinfo?
Most social media algorithms reward engagement. Things that are extreme (good or bad), lead people to have more extreme reactions to the content, and therefore more engagement.
“SIGNS YOUR BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU“ creates a bigger emotional response than “How to communicate your needs clearly and respectfully.”
The apps themselves encourage misinfo/disinfo.
“Therapy-speak” is Nonsense
Therapy-speak describes using high-level sounding words to describe your feelings or actions. Often, therapy-speak is weaponized - with fancy words covering for bad behavior.
A friend sent me some tweets about a recent article on therapy-speak. This article specifically describes using therapy-speak to avoid conflict and dodge responsibility for our actions.
The article starts off hot, with the following paragraphs:
Last summer, Anna, 24, was dumped by a longtime friend over text. While making plans to meet up, the friend pivoted and told Anna she wanted to end their five-year friendship. When Anna asked if it was something she did, her friend told her she wasn’t comfortable answering, and that there was no more room for discussion.
“I’m in a place where I’m trying to honor my needs and act in alignment with what feels right within the scope of my life, and I’m afraid our friendship doesn’t seem to fit in that framework,” the friend wrote. “I can no longer hold the emotional space you’ve wanted me to, and think the support you need is beyond the scope of what I can offer.”
Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.
This is probably a person who watches a lot of TikToks on therapy, as she uses those phrases exactly wrong. It’s a buzzword salad: a mélange of righteous-sounding phrases with a soupçon of shame.
While reading, I thought:
None of this- that’s not how- what the- I have no idea.
If i spoke like this to my therapist she would make me get an MRI
A good therapist will wholeheartedly endorse ghosting if it’s appropriate- AND IT IS SOMETIMES
it reads like a PR release from Pepsi after a worker died in one of their factories
if i feel like a friendship sucks and i don't want to be a part of it any more, my therapist would recommend saying 'i feel like this friendship sucks and i don't want to be a part of it any more.' as a bonus nobody would tweet about that
Yikes. But also, they have a point…
What’s “Holding Space" Anyway?
A friend sent me this related twitter post, specifically about the use of the phrase “holding space:”
Skip to 0:48 to hear what runs in my mind every time I hear the word BUSINESS
never forget that the likely origin of “holding space” is from open space technology, a branded method of holding meetings and conferences. it isn’t therapy speak, it’s BUSINESS SPEAK that has wormed its way into our worlds
I’m not sure about the origin of the phrase, but I am sure that this person misused it - likely from hearing misinfo from TherapistTok.
In it’s correct usage, holding space refers to setting your own feelings aside, allowing a person to vent or work through their feelings. Therapists “hold space” for their patients during therapy.
“Holding space” isn’t another way of describing friendships or other relationships, unless you're constantly doing therapy for your friends, which is a bigger problem that not having energy to hold space in the first place.
What should I do if I want to learn about self-improvement?
The best bet getting good information would be to follow the standard tests for misinformation:
Is this person trying to sell me something?
Does this person have the credentials or experience to know what they’re talking about?
Does this information feel exaggerated or biased, where it’s trying to provoke an emotional response?
Is this trying to make me feel superior/special for just having this knowledge?
Good information tries to educate. Accurate information is nuanced, specific, and often boring.
Providing good information and combating disinformation is part of what I do as a therapist. I would rather just provide solid resources and information. I sometimes (like now) feel the need to speak out about harmful misinformation.
For other examples of speaking out about disinformation, see my analysis of Gender-Exploratory Therapy (Conversion Therapy 2.0) and Rapid-Onset Gender Dysphoria (coined by the same person that invented Gender-Exploratory Therapy, it turns out!)
I hope this information helps you and your loved ones stay informed and safe!
<3 Vered
Vered Counseling also provides counseling for transgender and gender nonconforming folks. Read more about our therapy for transgender teens or counseling for transgender adults. We also provide support for parents of transgender adults and teens.
Ready to go? Contact us to get started!